I was going through my closet looking for something to wear when I found this shirt hidden in the back.
Cute shirt huh? Bet you're wondering why its hidden in the back of my closet.
Well, I'll tell ya.
The last time I wore this shirt (and by last I mean the most recent time AND the very last time) was in February of this year. Now I had no business wearing this shirt in the dead of winter with its short sleeves and all but I thought it was cute and I had just gotten it for Christmas! Anyway, I had worn it all day and kept it on when I went to my friend's wedding reception. Tyson and I were enjoying ourselves what with eating the wedding food and mingling with other guests... Okay, truth. We actually didn't really know anyone there besides the bride and so we were standing in a hallway sipping lemon water wondering how soon we could leave without being impolite.
And that's when the unthinkable happened.
The mother of the bride, who (whom?) I knew, saw me and came over to say hi. As she left she leaned forward, patted my stomach, and winked at me with that "knowing" look in her eye. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like the only people who get their stomachs patted and who get that look are pregnant women. I don't meant to state the obvious but I was not, and am not preggo.
What could I do!? What should I say!?
I was speechless so I just smiled back at her and silently cursed that 5th piece of pizza that I clearly should not have eaten. I grabbed my coat, buttoned it up to my chin then looked around for the bride wondering if I should silently make my escape or say goodbye before I left. Well, I did find her and explained the "situation" so that she wouldn't think I had gotten pregnant without telling her. That led into a whole other conversation of humiliation where I unbuttoned my coat to show her the shirt and everyone had a good laugh but me.
So, to make a long story short we eventually got out of there and I went home and did 500 crunches as I burned the shirt. Ok, not really about burning the shirt... or the crunches.
The shirt remains in the back of my closet.