Monday, February 1, 2010

I meant to post this ages ago

Now that I am 6 weeks 4 months past pushing a human the size of my preferred weight in bowling balls out of my body I think I can begin to discuss some of the things that people don't really mention when discussing the miracle of birth. Or maybe they do mention them, but I'm going to give you my version.

The pushing -or- please have mercy and don't let me poop:

I was so not looking forward to potentially delivering more than my baby in the face of a doctor who is in that realm between stranger and friend. Someone who I would want so badly to avoid afterward, but would have to see (Luckily I ended up with the on call Dr. Never gonna see him again!). And also, I can't believe I'm saying this, I was super nervous about, ahem, tooting in front of said doctor. Because a physical object can just be wiped away, but air... not so much.

So, hours before the pushing even began I told the nurse, if I do that while I'm pushing whatever you do, don't tell me. I figured it would be a serious distraction during a time when I needed to focus more than ever before. And afterwords I really didn't need that kind of embarrassment. She told me that she would not say a thing.

After the magic of having a baby and having all sense of modesty disappear I had totally forgotten that request.

Until the nurse looked at me and grinned. "Guess what! You didn't even poo!"


Delivering the placenta:

Honestly I have absolutely no idea when this happened. Apparently it was right after the baby came out. I guess it was in some sort of container on a table for awhile and Tyson asked me if I wanted to look at it. I said no because I thought it would gross me out and now I totally regret it. Tyson said it looked like liver or something? I also never saw the umbilical cord which I was kind of curious about but alas, too late now.

So if you have any interest at all, you might want to check it out.

The catheter - not the one that goes in your back:

Something that may be obvious to everyone but me - numb legs = no walking = no going to the bathroom. Hence the catheter. Is it awkward if I say I kinda liked it? After 9 months of constantly worrying about where the nearest bathroom was I rather enjoyed not feeling that urge to pee all the time.

The only bummer was that my legs were numb for so long that they had to put the catheter back in after taking it out. Those things seem a lot more personal when you're not in labor anymore...

Watching your baby:

After Logan was born he was real snugly and wanted to bury his face against my shirt. So he did. And then he STOPPED BREATHING. I was still in shock after having him and didn't even notice. Thank goodness the nurse did and she scooped him up right away and was able to get him breathing again. He had a bit of phlegm in his throat and didn't know how to cough it out I guess.

I am so glad that the nurse was on the ball and noticed his dusky color. I don't know how long it would have taken me and it still scares me to think that on my own I would have been too late.

Also, that episode puts him at a higher risk for SIDS now. Oh good, a mother's worst nightmare, just what we need around here.

So I'm pretty sure I meant to add more things to this list but darn it, I lost steam on this one and now I can't remember what else I wanted to say. Any input from the peanut gallery?


  1. Yes, the catheter. They always tell you about the possibility of having to put it back in in the event that you can't pee on your own. This always baffled me. How can you not pee? Now I know.

  2. Mari, you are great! I am definitely coming to you with my pregnancy questions and truths when the time comes!

  3. tooting? You were more scared of tooting than POOPING?
    You're hilarious.

  4. I was so worried about the whole placenta birth that i couldn't relax and enjoy my baby!

  5. well, it doesn't sound like the breastfeeding part was a nightmare for you, otherwise you DEFINITELY would have added it to this post. (I'm thinking back to my post about labor and such). If that is the case, I am soooo happy for you!

  6. Oh yea-losing all modesty and all sense of what is appropriate to say or not say-that's what it's all about during labor and delivery- Yes, I had my moments too! Love the recollections!

  7. I was scared to death that I was going to poop while I was pushing. I didn't say anything to the nurse, but I told Curtis not to tell me if I did. I'm proud to say I didn't!!
    The placenta didn't look as gross as i thought it would. My midwife picked it up and taught us all about it. It was actually kind of neat to see where my baby had lived for the last 9 months.
    Next baby, make sure you look!

  8. I so hear you on the pooping bit. I made Cory swear that he wouldn't tell me if I did the deed, because I didn't want to be so embarrassed! Another awful part was using the restroom the first time after the birth and having the nurses go with. They sprayed me with the little squirt bottle and I was like, "well, any dignity and privacy I had is now officially gone!" (add in the part where the nurse was a girl I knew from high school and the whole scene just gets worse. sigh.) Gotta love giving birth. But it's worth it in the end!

  9. I love reading your writing. It reminded me of A Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy. Did you read that? Hilarious.

    I definitely was not prepared for all the un-glamarous side effects of having a baby. Like the fact that you can't even wipe when you go to the bathroom. Nothing like a squirt bottle to make you feel all squeaky clean down there. Not. And speaking of "poo," my terror of that came AFTER the baby was born. I was so nervous for my first bowel movement, I was practically in tears.

    And just think, I get to do it again in a few months!

  10. Haha i totally felt the same way about the pooing!! your body becomes everyone elses when you have that baby. I love how you just tell it straight :) Your new family pic is adorable and you guys look great.

  11. Man, I HATED the catheter. Mostly because it was so dang painful to put in.

    I'm just a few weeks away from delivering my 3rd and now you've got me all worried about pooping on the table again! And how scary to be cuddling your son and have him stop breathing. I'll be on the lookout for that this time, too.

  12. I loved your story. With my first, I loved the catheter. What I wouldn't give for one now that I'm in my last four weeks of my second pregnancy. I hate having to pee every five minutes. The placenta, I saw mine, was really cool looking. Make sure next time around you take a look at it. It's awesome! And, sadly, I did poo. It wasn't pretty.